The Life and Death of Abigail Morgan
by Ross
Summary: During the 2nd season of DC Abby Morgan fell off the boardwalk while drunk and drowned. Jen jumped in after her but failed to save Abby. This is an AU in which Abby lived and Jen died. Please read and review.
1. After the Wedding

The Life and Death of Abigail Morgan

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters (in chapter 1 anyway) though I wish I did. Dawson, Grams, Joey, Jack and Jen all belong to Kevin Williamson, as does the Abby Morgan, God rest her soul. 

Chapter 1. After the Wedding

_"You know, I don't think I'll ever be happy. Wherever I am, I'll always wish I'm someplace else. Whatever I have, I'll always want something different." – _Abby Morgan, _A Perfect Wedding._

 "This is all your fault Abby Morgan!"

 "It was an accident I swear it!"

 "She died saving you, she wouldn't have gone in the water if you hadn't been a drunken idiot."

 "It was an accident…"

 But there was no reply.

 On the morning after her fall into the freezing waters of the Creek, Abby Morgan was visited in the hospital by Jen's grandmother. When Abby had seen her the day before 'Grams' had not seemed very old or infirm. She seemed to have aged a thousand years overnight, had shrunk. Had she not been in shock Abby would have feigned sleep so terrible was the sight of Grams haggard face. But she could not but look.

 "What happened to my granddaughter Abigail?"

 To Abby it was as if the entire world suddenly rushed away and the only thing she could see were Grams deep, sad eyes looking at her begging her for something she couldn't even begin to imagine. From far away she heard a voice that sounded like her own: "She jumped in after me Mrs. Linley. I fell in and I just remember it being so cold it was like every part of me was on fire and I knew, I _knew _I was dying. For the first time in my entire life I felt absolutely certain about something, like it was time. Then I felt her drag me up and push me towards the boardwalk. The doctors told me someone pulled me out but when they turned back for Jen…"

 Abby swallowed hard. It took every ounce of self-control she owned to continue. Grams said nothing, merely standing very still waiting.

 "She was dead before they got her out. She saved me." Abby managed to whimper before bursting into tears. Grams reached out her arms and hugged Abby so tightly it hurt as her own tears slid from beneath her eyelids.

 "Thank you child."

 After two days Abby had recovered sufficiently to attend the funeral. As she walked the short distance from the car to the plot, the most dreadful walk of her life, she felt…numb, as if all this was happening to a different person far away and she, Abby, was merely watching. Her best and only friend was dead. Had died saving her. It was beyond belief and the feelings were just too raw and powerful to be felt, so she had cut herself off. Her encounter with Grams had helped lance the boil but it would take time for her too release the rest of the turmoil inside her and realise what had happened.

 Grams was there. And Dawson his face in ruins, Joey looking broken hearted, Pacey unfathomable and Jack grim. And Andi. Glaring at Abby in hatred, eyes expressing something all the others must have felt but didn't say. Why her and not _you_?

 It was a question Abby had torn herself up over but could find no answer to.


	2. Anger

Disclaimer: As before. All of these characters belong to Kevin Williamson, even my beloved Abby. L

Chapter 2. Anger

_"I play such a crucial role in this little circle and you guys are just too unimaginative to notice. I'm the girl everyone loves to hate. I'm the scapegoat. I'm the one you can take out all your anger and aggression on and never lose a moment's sleep over."_ Abby Morgan, _Uncharted Waters___

 "We are gathered here today to remember Jennifer Lindley…" the priest began and it went in one of Abby's ears and out the other. In the old days it would have been because she was bored, and even now some part of her longed to dismiss it all with a caustic quip, to return to normality. But that Abby was gone, crushed under a sea of guilt and loss and shock. Nothing would ever feel the same again.

 How big the coffin looks! In the car she had kept telling herself she would not look at it, would ignore it – the pain would be too great. Was it not enough to be there? Now though her only choice would have been to look at the mourners and Abby knew she could not do that. Grams had been terrible, but now Abby could almost bear to see the old woman's deeply lined face. Not Dawson or Joey or Pacey or Jack. Or Andie… So the coffin it was then, a solid, plain affair of mahogany with silver handles. It seemed amazingly big, for she recalled that Jen had only been a little bigger than Abby herself and Abby was well aware she was small even for her age. Was Jen really in there, stuck like pencil in a shoebox? 

 It was helping, oh God it was helping. She kept concentrating on the coffin for what felt like days until the first clod of dirt hit it. A single thought swirled in round and round in her brain: forgive me Jen. Wherever you are forgive me.

 Someone touched her back gently. Turning she saw it was Dawson Leery. He looked…well sad yes, but also very tired as if he had been wrestling his own demons. An awkward pause, then: "Grams asked me to talk to you, she…she's worried about you."

 Abby glanced over at Jen's grandmother. Was nothing beyond that woman? Her granddaughter, the light of her life, that comfort of her old age was dead because of my stupidity, thought Abby savagely. The tears nearly came then and there but she pushed them down deep and summoned up a heroic effort. She would not cry in front of Dawson Leary, not for anything.

 "You can tell 'Grams' that it is very kind of her to check, but I'm fine. Go."

 He looked like he was expecting as much, and walked off, but then he stopped and turned back. "Look Abby, I know we never liked each other, but I do know Jen liked you and she'd be worried about you."

 What a stupid, tactless, insensitive thing to say! Judging by the way Dawson had gone white he had obviously realised that too and Abby very nearly screamed back at him that of course Jen had worried you idiot, she wouldn't be dead otherwise! She didn't say that, she couldn't. Instead she tried to think of something that would be like the old Abby would have said. Something _normal_.

 "What do you care Leery, now that the complication is removed you can get back with the drug dealers daughter over there and return to your perfect little world." It hit and Dawson visibly flinched. He glared speechlessly and then swivelled on his heel to join the DDD and his other friends. Abby waited until she was certain no one was watching her and then crept away.

 For a second there things had felt if not okay, at least normal. Now though Abby felt faint and for a second thought she was about to vomit. Nothing came though and she sat beneath a tree close to the cemetery gates trying to gather herself together. Thinking.

 Who does he think he is that Dawson Leary? Oh, what did you ever see in him Jen, why did you go after him? The only person he feels anything for is his precious Joey and I just know they will get back together. They're 'Soulmates' after all. Oh I warned you Jen, but you didn't believe me and now that smug wunderkind is going to forget you. Unless I stop them getting together… Oh I can do it Jen, I promise I'll destroy that relationship for what he did to you. 

 I will pay you back.


End file.
